I feel weird and crazy today because I’m kinda sleep deprived and overcaffeinated.
I was listening to Radiolab and the theme was cities, so I started thinking about what my ideal city would have.
Drums, trees, a cave, a few people, and that’s about it because infrastructure is not my interest… But I realized I was searching for a home.
They were talking about how you actually fit in to your city- like every city has an average walking speed. So you know how when you’re at the mall and you just want to buy one thing so you’re trying to walk fast AND YOU GET SO MAD because everyone else is just strolling along holding you up?
If you don’t fit in your city, say because of average education level, talking speed, race, shit is going to get frustrating.
And then I’m this weirdo because I never know where I fit, and when someone tells me I can’t be in a space I dig my heels in.
That sounds weird, when I say it like that, like I’m disrespectful of boundaries-that’s not what I’m talking about.
For one thing I’m so used to being made to feel unwelcome in spaces that I have a right to be in, like school.
And then also having to learn how to fight to have access to spaces.
I also listened to Love & Radio “Another Planet” which was about this very diy drop in center for homeless people (I’m not doing it justice). This one person talked about how they felt accepted despite their mental illness/lack of medication, and how it was a special place for that reason.
I cried because I found that really moving. I struggle so much to find acceptance… But I know I need to find it within.. Blah blah blah…
BUT I struggled to find love, and I finally found that, so…