I hate that I am validated by street harassment :( I totally get it though. After years of being desexualized I’m glad to be treated as a sexual being (er, object) by someone.
Ughhhhhhh. I’m in this self-imposed desexual/asexual zone and not really into it. I have so much baggage to deal with before I’m dateable, which is a really fucked up thing to say, and I think it’s not really true… in a perfect world it wouldn’t be, but this world is imperfect, and often jampacked with bullshit, sooooo…
I’m still willing to go out on dates with cis men who are well below par. Not men who harass me, but men who, while not jampacked with bullshit, still have streaks of it across their face. Point being- as long as I’m willing to date shitty cis men, something is clearly wrong with me because there is nothing new and novel about the shit that cis men have to offer me. I fully understand it, and I would like to be at a place where I could say ‘no thank you’ to shit, at least shit that I see coming, at least shit that is not interesting and entertaining.
LOL. This would make an amazing online dating profile.
Another thing I’m very frustrated about is that I’m very centered on what type of man I’m not looking for, hoping like hell to find that needle in the haystack so I can avoid dating a woman. And that is sooooo fucked up.
I read an FB thread where people debated unlearning sexual attraction, and one person seemed to get pretty mad about it, I think because of the pray the gay away implications. But how I took it, at least how it’s applicable to my life, is that I was conditioned to be attracted (attracted as in “oh, I should pay attention to him, should laugh at his unfunny bullshit, follow him to his car, etc) to white dudes of varying creep level and nasty factor and I’m having to unlearn that shit.
Also, what I need to relearn is my attraction to women and other genders.
When I was in middle school we were picking out the cutest people in the year book. I picked out someone from their class, this boy I didn’t know. They laughed at me, and said, “THAT’S NOT A BOY!!! THAT’S A GIRL!” Whatever, she was cute. I quietly kept up that crush on her until we graduated, but it was more of a fascination. I thought she was really cooooooool.